Reflection vs. Reaction
We live in a world of attention-grabbing distractions that diminish our ability to concentrate on those things most important to a satisfying life.
We've been told multitasking is the path to productivity, but no one can do two things at once. Some of us are adept at shifting our focus quickly from one task to another. Still, understanding trends, making connections, and analyzing data take time and focus. When distracted, our attention shifts and we react to events rather than reflect on them. Reflection results in better decisions, and reflection can be learned.
Photo by Natalia Figueredo on Unsplash
Would it be helpful if you had a simple, easy to use, proven way to put the world on hold long enough to bring clarity and focus to your hectic life?
Clarity and focus improve our ability to handle our professional and personal relationships. Concentration helps us to let go of the past and to plan for the future. More importantly, clarity and focus allow us to live well in the present.
Tony Crocamo uses stories from personal experience and from history to illustrate points, connect with audiences, and make the valuable information he provides memorable.
Contact Tony Crocamo at tony@thespeakerspot.com to explore bringing the power of storytelling and mindfulness to your organization.
We've been told multitasking is the path to productivity, but no one can do two things at once. Some of us are adept at shifting our focus quickly from one task to another. Still, understanding trends, making connections, and analyzing data take time and focus. When distracted, our attention shifts and we react to events rather than reflect on them. Reflection results in better decisions, and reflection can be learned.
Photo by Natalia Figueredo on Unsplash
Would it be helpful if you had a simple, easy to use, proven way to put the world on hold long enough to bring clarity and focus to your hectic life?
Clarity and focus improve our ability to handle our professional and personal relationships. Concentration helps us to let go of the past and to plan for the future. More importantly, clarity and focus allow us to live well in the present.
Tony Crocamo uses stories from personal experience and from history to illustrate points, connect with audiences, and make the valuable information he provides memorable.
Contact Tony Crocamo at tony@thespeakerspot.com to explore bringing the power of storytelling and mindfulness to your organization.
Are Alibis Admirable?
While watching professional sports, I am often struck by the confidence and calm of a number of players on both teams. How important is confidence to success?
Christy Mathewson, one of the greatest baseball pitchers of all time, believed confidence was so critical to success that he could not admit he could be beaten fair and square. When he lost, in order to preserve his confidence, he always found an alibi to explain away the other fellow's success.
Christy Mathewson was with the NY Giants for virtually his entire career from 1900 to 1916. He won 373 games (tied for third on the all time list) and had a career ERA of 2.13. In 1908 he won 37 games. In the 1905 World Series he pitched and won three games in six days--all shutouts. It was no surprise when, in 1936, he was among the famous "First Five" players to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, Honus Wagner, Walter Johnson, and Christy Mathewson.
“An alibi,” Mathewson told Grantland Rice, the premiere sports writer of that day, “is sound and needed in all competition… One of the foundations of success in sports is confidence in yourself. You can’t afford to admit that any opponent is better than you are. So, if you lose to him there must be a reason—a bad break. You must have an alibi to show why you lost. If you haven’t one, you must fake one. Your self-confidence must be maintained.”
When I first read this I thought convincing yourself that the other fellow got lucky is deluding yourself. Mathewson didn’t care. He believed it was more important that one's confidence not be shaken. He needed that confidence to compete and his livelihood depended on competing at a very high level.
And there is more to Christy Mathewson’s alibi theory that might make it seem more attractive to you. Grantland Rice quotes Mathewson as saying, “Always have that alibi…But keep it to yourself. That’s where it belongs. Don’t spread it around. Lose gracefully in the open. To yourself, lose bitterly—but learn. You can learn little from victory. You can learn everything from defeat.”
Mathewson was talking about the importance of self-confidence and the need to learn from our mistakes. So, when you stumble, knit an alibi or two to prop up your confidence. But keep them to yourself and be sure to learn from whatever you did to make that other guy lucky enough to win--this time.
Christy Mathewson, one of the greatest baseball pitchers of all time, believed confidence was so critical to success that he could not admit he could be beaten fair and square. When he lost, in order to preserve his confidence, he always found an alibi to explain away the other fellow's success.
Christy Mathewson was with the NY Giants for virtually his entire career from 1900 to 1916. He won 373 games (tied for third on the all time list) and had a career ERA of 2.13. In 1908 he won 37 games. In the 1905 World Series he pitched and won three games in six days--all shutouts. It was no surprise when, in 1936, he was among the famous "First Five" players to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, Honus Wagner, Walter Johnson, and Christy Mathewson.
“An alibi,” Mathewson told Grantland Rice, the premiere sports writer of that day, “is sound and needed in all competition… One of the foundations of success in sports is confidence in yourself. You can’t afford to admit that any opponent is better than you are. So, if you lose to him there must be a reason—a bad break. You must have an alibi to show why you lost. If you haven’t one, you must fake one. Your self-confidence must be maintained.”
When I first read this I thought convincing yourself that the other fellow got lucky is deluding yourself. Mathewson didn’t care. He believed it was more important that one's confidence not be shaken. He needed that confidence to compete and his livelihood depended on competing at a very high level.
And there is more to Christy Mathewson’s alibi theory that might make it seem more attractive to you. Grantland Rice quotes Mathewson as saying, “Always have that alibi…But keep it to yourself. That’s where it belongs. Don’t spread it around. Lose gracefully in the open. To yourself, lose bitterly—but learn. You can learn little from victory. You can learn everything from defeat.”
Mathewson was talking about the importance of self-confidence and the need to learn from our mistakes. So, when you stumble, knit an alibi or two to prop up your confidence. But keep them to yourself and be sure to learn from whatever you did to make that other guy lucky enough to win--this time.
Required Information: If It's There, Tell Them Where
Proposals for government or private contracts often require specific information and details. Omit any one of them and the proposal is tossed. Sounds harsh, but really, if you can’t follow simple instructions and include what the client has asked for why would that client have any confidence in your ability to do the job?And as difficult as it can be putting together an effective and competitive proposal, consider the poor souls who have to read 50 of those proposals and decide which firm to hire for this important project.
There is a lot at stake for everyone involved on each side of the proposal process. We need the work to stay in business and the reviewers need to select the firm that will deliver a successful project. That’s why the most successful proposals are those written with the needs of the beleaguered proposal reviewer and selection committee in mind.
The initial phase of the selection process is, frankly, an elimination process. Would you want to read all 50 proposals? Neither does our stalwart reviewer. She’s looking for ways to whittle down the pile—the quicker the better.
That’s why it is not enough to write a proposal that contains all the required information—you have to make it impossible for the reviewer to miss the required information. If it’s there, tell them where. Include a simple chart that lists the proposal requirements and where that information is located in the document.
Required Information Location
Original Signature Cover Letter Cover Letter Tab
5 Similar Projects in Past 5 Years Section 4: Relevant Projects
Three References Section 5: References
Create a Tab for proposal requirements and include the chart there, or make the chart part of the cover letter or table of contents. Include it where it makes sense and where it can’t be missed. This step will also serve as a checklist for making sure all the required information is in the proposal.
There is a lot at stake for everyone involved on each side of the proposal process. We need the work to stay in business and the reviewers need to select the firm that will deliver a successful project. That’s why the most successful proposals are those written with the needs of the beleaguered proposal reviewer and selection committee in mind.
The initial phase of the selection process is, frankly, an elimination process. Would you want to read all 50 proposals? Neither does our stalwart reviewer. She’s looking for ways to whittle down the pile—the quicker the better.
That’s why it is not enough to write a proposal that contains all the required information—you have to make it impossible for the reviewer to miss the required information. If it’s there, tell them where. Include a simple chart that lists the proposal requirements and where that information is located in the document.
Required Information Location
Original Signature Cover Letter Cover Letter Tab
5 Similar Projects in Past 5 Years Section 4: Relevant Projects
Three References Section 5: References
Create a Tab for proposal requirements and include the chart there, or make the chart part of the cover letter or table of contents. Include it where it makes sense and where it can’t be missed. This step will also serve as a checklist for making sure all the required information is in the proposal.
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Business Advice from Mom |
Don’t you hate it when people…
Most of us do know better; yet the behavior persists. Why? We may be busying ourselves into annoying behaviors. The time pressures may tempt us to skip once common minor courtesies.
We can’t fix the behavior of others, however, we can address our own and re-establish these simple courtesies. Even if we remain the courteous and well behaved minority, we will have set ourselves apart in a very positive way in the eyes of our clients and co-workers.
Your mom wants you to check phone messages and emails at the beginning of your day, at noon, and before you leave for the day so you will always have the opportunity to respond to them quickly. Your mom wants you to arrive 5 minutes early for meetings. And your mom would be so proud of you if you prepared an agenda for every meeting you run and if you circulated that agenda a day or two prior to the meeting whenever possible. For extra Mom credit, if you are forced to call a last minute meeting, spend the first five minutes of the meeting putting an agenda together. And for goodness sake, if you have a follow-up task to complete, put it on your calendar and complete it. If you need help, get help while there is still time to complete the task on schedule.
Taking deliberate steps to avoid annoying behavior will improve your relationship with clients and coworkers. And because the annoying behavior has become the norm for so many people, avoiding those behaviors will set you apart from the crowd and make your mother proud.
- don’t return phone calls…
- don’t respond to emails…
- arrive late…
- attend meetings unprepared…
- conduct meetings without an agenda…
- fail to follow-up
Most of us do know better; yet the behavior persists. Why? We may be busying ourselves into annoying behaviors. The time pressures may tempt us to skip once common minor courtesies.
We can’t fix the behavior of others, however, we can address our own and re-establish these simple courtesies. Even if we remain the courteous and well behaved minority, we will have set ourselves apart in a very positive way in the eyes of our clients and co-workers.
Your mom wants you to check phone messages and emails at the beginning of your day, at noon, and before you leave for the day so you will always have the opportunity to respond to them quickly. Your mom wants you to arrive 5 minutes early for meetings. And your mom would be so proud of you if you prepared an agenda for every meeting you run and if you circulated that agenda a day or two prior to the meeting whenever possible. For extra Mom credit, if you are forced to call a last minute meeting, spend the first five minutes of the meeting putting an agenda together. And for goodness sake, if you have a follow-up task to complete, put it on your calendar and complete it. If you need help, get help while there is still time to complete the task on schedule.
Taking deliberate steps to avoid annoying behavior will improve your relationship with clients and coworkers. And because the annoying behavior has become the norm for so many people, avoiding those behaviors will set you apart from the crowd and make your mother proud.
Take Control of Your Presentation
We’ve all seen presentations crash and burn due to tech problems. It’s painful to watch and wastes the audiences’ time. So unless you want the audience to feel sorry for you, or be angry with you, take control with the one, simple, foolproof way to avoid or get ahead of such problems—practice.
Specifically, practice with the equipment you’ll be using, if possible.
Taking a presentation that works fine in the office to a computer/projector/network configuration outside the office adds level upon level of variables into the equation—operating systems, software versions, connection speeds.
Before you’re due on stage, conduct a pre-presentation check of all components:
Make this your routine. You'll avoid most tech problems, have more time to fix or adjust to those that do arise, plus you'll gain a freeing and comforting sense of confidence and control. That confidence comes because you have taken control of all you can control.
Specifically, practice with the equipment you’ll be using, if possible.
Taking a presentation that works fine in the office to a computer/projector/network configuration outside the office adds level upon level of variables into the equation—operating systems, software versions, connection speeds.
Before you’re due on stage, conduct a pre-presentation check of all components:
- Sound
- Microphones
- Projector
- Tablet
- Remote
- Props, easels, marker
- Handouts, location, number, how to distribute
- Lights
- What does the presentation look like from various points in the room?
- Walk the room, familiarize yourself with the stage area, your entry and exit points
- Hand your written introduction to the person who will introduce you, confirm the pronunciation of your name
- Drinking water (warm or room temperature)
- Center yourself with exercise and deep breathing before taking the stage
Make this your routine. You'll avoid most tech problems, have more time to fix or adjust to those that do arise, plus you'll gain a freeing and comforting sense of confidence and control. That confidence comes because you have taken control of all you can control.
Build Trust with Stories
Some 30 years ago I worked at an international engineering and architectural firm in New York. The editorial staff worked in one area. The job was deadline driven, stressful, and didn’t always bring out the best in everyone.
During a particularly difficult week, Marge, who worked across from me and another co-worker, Alice, stomped over to our side of the room and said, “Someone stole my stapler, do you have it?” Clearly Marge was angry and suspected Alice and me of liberating her stapler from her desk.
Insulted by the accusation, I rose to give Marge a piece of my mind. Before I could speak Alice cheerfully said, “I don’t have your stapler, but here, use mine as long as you like,” and she held out her stapler to Marge, who smiled, took it, thanked Alice, and went back to work. The situation was defused without further drama.
Alice taught me the best way to confront workplace anger is to be kind, don't respond in kind.
I tell that story when clients say they want to respond angrily to an infuriating situation. Why not just give them the advice?
The story makes the advice more memorable and acceptable. Here's how:
Stories connect us emotionally and build trust. Those who think storytelling is too touchy feely for business are missing out on one of the most powerful communication tools we have for building trust.
There is proof of storytelling in the remnants of prehistoric and later civilizations—Native American glyphs, African symbols, cave paintings in France, Egyptian pyramids, Mayan ruins, Greek and Roman myths, the Old and New Testaments—our brains are hardwired to communicate through stories.
Yet, in sales, we sometimes begin by peppering clients with questions to find out their needs, their wants, and their pain—we expect them to open up to us before we’ve established trust.
Do you want clients to open up to you? Go first. Open up to them with a story that illustrates a point you want to make.
Some 30 years ago I worked at an international engineering and architectural firm in New York. The editorial staff worked in one area. The job was deadline driven, stressful, and didn’t always bring out the best in everyone.
During a particularly difficult week, Marge, who worked across from me and another co-worker, Alice, stomped over to our side of the room and said, “Someone stole my stapler, do you have it?” Clearly Marge was angry and suspected Alice and me of liberating her stapler from her desk.
Insulted by the accusation, I rose to give Marge a piece of my mind. Before I could speak Alice cheerfully said, “I don’t have your stapler, but here, use mine as long as you like,” and she held out her stapler to Marge, who smiled, took it, thanked Alice, and went back to work. The situation was defused without further drama.
Alice taught me the best way to confront workplace anger is to be kind, don't respond in kind.
I tell that story when clients say they want to respond angrily to an infuriating situation. Why not just give them the advice?
The story makes the advice more memorable and acceptable. Here's how:
- The listener becomes an observer at the scene of the story, creating a connection between storyteller and listener.
- The listener learns that my reaction was to do what he or she sometimes wants to do—react angrily. Knowing we are similar strengthens connection with the listener and builds trust.
- The advice comes from Alice, so I’m not the all-knowing expert. This builds trust by putting the listener and the storyteller on the same level.
Stories connect us emotionally and build trust. Those who think storytelling is too touchy feely for business are missing out on one of the most powerful communication tools we have for building trust.
There is proof of storytelling in the remnants of prehistoric and later civilizations—Native American glyphs, African symbols, cave paintings in France, Egyptian pyramids, Mayan ruins, Greek and Roman myths, the Old and New Testaments—our brains are hardwired to communicate through stories.
Yet, in sales, we sometimes begin by peppering clients with questions to find out their needs, their wants, and their pain—we expect them to open up to us before we’ve established trust.
Do you want clients to open up to you? Go first. Open up to them with a story that illustrates a point you want to make.
The Problem of Peace for Combat Veterans
War to Peace is not an on/off switch.
A friend recently asked me why some returning combat veterans struggle to re-adjust to civilian life. He wondered if my experience returning from Vietnam 44 years ago gave me any insight into the issue. As do many people, he thought it odd that anyone who has adjusted to a war zone—a terrible place to be—has trouble adjusting to being home, a much better place to be. It does not seem odd to me.
The stakes are high for combat troops. People are trying to kill you. However, you are encouraged to respond in kind. You are allowed, in fact you are encouraged, to kill those people trying to kill you. That brutally level playing field is part of the problem. So is being immersed in an environment where violence is not only permitted, but expected.
In our lives there may be circumstances under which, if push came to shove, we would shove. Our actions to defend ourselves or to protect our family may eventually escalate into violence. In a combat zone violence isn’t your eventual response; violence is your initial response. Violence is why you are there. Today’s combat vets may have been immersed in a violence-first environment for two, three or more tours of duty. They are conditioned to immediately react violently to threats.
The vet returns home and reunites with family. Problems that existed before the tour remain. Those problems may now be worse. Perhaps a small business lost momentum during the vet’s absence. Perhaps the vet lost an important opportunity for advancement at her full-time job.
Imagine a vet with a small business that is now struggling due to his service to our country. He applies to a bank for financial help and is rejected. Consider a vet who missed a chance for advancement who now reports to someone who got that job in her absence.
Combat veterans might see these setbacks and the dozens of others that are a normal part of life not as problems to be solved but as threats. They may view these threats as a direct consequence of having gone to war on behalf of our nation. In war they met threats with deadly violence. They are unable to deal with threats here as they did there.
Their frustration may create self-doubt. The vet may judge that in war he readily addressed any threat but cannot do so at home. He may believe that he is unable to function at home. This may create the illusion that he or she is better equipped to handle the stresses of war than the stresses of home. It fosters a belief that it is in a war zone, not at home, where they have more control over their lives—a belief that they belong there, and no longer belong here. Hell creates its attractions.
To the rest of us it may seem unimaginable that anyone who could handle the stress of combat would have difficulty addressing what we view as the lesser stress of normal life. Men and women who have been to war lived in an environment where the rules of a civil society were suspended. The madness of war put them at risk, but the madness of war, the reliance on violence, may have enabled them to survive that risk.
They return home, experience problems, but can no longer rely on violence to address risks, threats, setbacks, and problems. War is simple elemental, and offers the nightmarish equality of kill or be killed. Society is complex. Equality, a level playing field is elusive or non-existent. When we tell our children life is not fair we do not mislead.
For veterans, the readjustment to the complexity of peacefully resolving conflicts and problems is not an easy one. It would help if our society were more just, if our society created fewer glaringly unfair outcomes for our veterans.
It is easy to verbally thank a veteran for his or her service. That thank you is insincere unless we do the hard work of creating a society that makes veterans whole by leveling the playing field for them when they return. Our society should protect the veteran’s family and assets while they serve. Furthermore, a just society that does not easily go to war is a debt owed to all who have and all who will serve.
The stakes are high for combat troops. People are trying to kill you. However, you are encouraged to respond in kind. You are allowed, in fact you are encouraged, to kill those people trying to kill you. That brutally level playing field is part of the problem. So is being immersed in an environment where violence is not only permitted, but expected.
In our lives there may be circumstances under which, if push came to shove, we would shove. Our actions to defend ourselves or to protect our family may eventually escalate into violence. In a combat zone violence isn’t your eventual response; violence is your initial response. Violence is why you are there. Today’s combat vets may have been immersed in a violence-first environment for two, three or more tours of duty. They are conditioned to immediately react violently to threats.
The vet returns home and reunites with family. Problems that existed before the tour remain. Those problems may now be worse. Perhaps a small business lost momentum during the vet’s absence. Perhaps the vet lost an important opportunity for advancement at her full-time job.
Imagine a vet with a small business that is now struggling due to his service to our country. He applies to a bank for financial help and is rejected. Consider a vet who missed a chance for advancement who now reports to someone who got that job in her absence.
Combat veterans might see these setbacks and the dozens of others that are a normal part of life not as problems to be solved but as threats. They may view these threats as a direct consequence of having gone to war on behalf of our nation. In war they met threats with deadly violence. They are unable to deal with threats here as they did there.
Their frustration may create self-doubt. The vet may judge that in war he readily addressed any threat but cannot do so at home. He may believe that he is unable to function at home. This may create the illusion that he or she is better equipped to handle the stresses of war than the stresses of home. It fosters a belief that it is in a war zone, not at home, where they have more control over their lives—a belief that they belong there, and no longer belong here. Hell creates its attractions.
To the rest of us it may seem unimaginable that anyone who could handle the stress of combat would have difficulty addressing what we view as the lesser stress of normal life. Men and women who have been to war lived in an environment where the rules of a civil society were suspended. The madness of war put them at risk, but the madness of war, the reliance on violence, may have enabled them to survive that risk.
They return home, experience problems, but can no longer rely on violence to address risks, threats, setbacks, and problems. War is simple elemental, and offers the nightmarish equality of kill or be killed. Society is complex. Equality, a level playing field is elusive or non-existent. When we tell our children life is not fair we do not mislead.
For veterans, the readjustment to the complexity of peacefully resolving conflicts and problems is not an easy one. It would help if our society were more just, if our society created fewer glaringly unfair outcomes for our veterans.
It is easy to verbally thank a veteran for his or her service. That thank you is insincere unless we do the hard work of creating a society that makes veterans whole by leveling the playing field for them when they return. Our society should protect the veteran’s family and assets while they serve. Furthermore, a just society that does not easily go to war is a debt owed to all who have and all who will serve.
Desktop Time Machine
Have you glanced through email during a conversation with someone at your desk or on the phone? Ever sign up for a webinar only to continue to work on other tasks during the session? Do you think multi-tasking is more efficient and productive? It isn’t.
Multi-tasking’s benefits are a myth because we can only have one thought at a time. Those thoughts may occur in rapid succession and may be complex, but nobody can simultaneously think two different thoughts. Multi-tasking demands that you divide your full attention among tasks. That inattention inevitably leads to errors.
Still, it isn’t easy to do one thing at a time. Your electronic devices beep, ping, ring and sing announcing new emails, tweets, Facebook updates, LinkedIn connections, phone calls, text messages, pod cast subscriptions and more. Who among us hasn’t had an hour, a morning, or an entire day hijacked by going down these increasingly distracting electronic rabbit holes?
The solution? Your very own desktop time machine allowing you to zip back to 1990 back when txt had an e and mail did not and Master Zuckerberg was entering the first grade. Your desktop time machine exists on your I-Pad, PC, or smart phone. It’s the close button on all the interrupting applications on your desktop and mobile devices.
If you are writing, close everything except word processing. Creating a presentation? Fine, write the outline and narrative, then open the presentation software and nothing else. Have a budget to complete? Great, spreadsheet on, everything else off. Turn off the smart phone. No, they won’t be able to get you immediately. That’s the point.
Welcome to 1990 where you are free to focus on the article, the presentation, the budget or just think things out without beeps, pings, ringing or singing. That odd feeling you are experiencing is the freedom to focus and be creative without interruptions. You may suffer withdrawal pangs but eventually you'll get used to it and enjoy the benefits of focusing on the task at hand.
Forgo those electronic distractions. Go back to 1990. Finish the job, then reconnect, check in, and then check out as you begin the next task.
Multi-tasking’s benefits are a myth because we can only have one thought at a time. Those thoughts may occur in rapid succession and may be complex, but nobody can simultaneously think two different thoughts. Multi-tasking demands that you divide your full attention among tasks. That inattention inevitably leads to errors.
Still, it isn’t easy to do one thing at a time. Your electronic devices beep, ping, ring and sing announcing new emails, tweets, Facebook updates, LinkedIn connections, phone calls, text messages, pod cast subscriptions and more. Who among us hasn’t had an hour, a morning, or an entire day hijacked by going down these increasingly distracting electronic rabbit holes?
The solution? Your very own desktop time machine allowing you to zip back to 1990 back when txt had an e and mail did not and Master Zuckerberg was entering the first grade. Your desktop time machine exists on your I-Pad, PC, or smart phone. It’s the close button on all the interrupting applications on your desktop and mobile devices.
If you are writing, close everything except word processing. Creating a presentation? Fine, write the outline and narrative, then open the presentation software and nothing else. Have a budget to complete? Great, spreadsheet on, everything else off. Turn off the smart phone. No, they won’t be able to get you immediately. That’s the point.
Welcome to 1990 where you are free to focus on the article, the presentation, the budget or just think things out without beeps, pings, ringing or singing. That odd feeling you are experiencing is the freedom to focus and be creative without interruptions. You may suffer withdrawal pangs but eventually you'll get used to it and enjoy the benefits of focusing on the task at hand.
Forgo those electronic distractions. Go back to 1990. Finish the job, then reconnect, check in, and then check out as you begin the next task.